Wednesday, June 6, 2012

3.

Chad and I have always said we will have three kids, 
and after that, if we want more, we can adopt.
So now we have three.
And we think we are done, at least for now.
And I have to say, I am so happy.

This has been on my mind for months, and months. And months. I was thinking about it all the time, should we have more? Should we be done? What does God want me to do? Is there some other person in heaven waiting to come to my family? 
For a while I said we'd have another and then I would find myself getting so anxious about that, and have a "stupor of thought, if you will.
We prayed about it, and every time I prayed I would feel the answer: this is completely my decision.
Um, ever got an answer to like that? I was kinda not a fan, I mean, Heavenly Father can't you just give me a yes or no? Dang this whole agency thing!
Chad was completely supportive, he would love to have another baby, and he would love to have just our three girls, he also felt like this really was my decision.

So after really searching my heart, and sharing my thoughts, I made the decision, that we will be done.
Ever since then, I feel so much lighter.  
I find myself just enjoying my kids so much more. 
I mean, I have always enjoyed them, but I feel like I just can't get enough of Maggie's thighs, or Eden's hilarious run, or Lily's theories on life. I find myself so excited for our future, when we we all grow old-er together. Family trips to the beach, long back packing trips, you know, stuff like that.

It's kinda weird for me to be sharing something like this on a blog, but then not really if you know me/read my blog...I'm rather an open book aren't I? I just feel it was a huge decision, that has really changed my outlook on my future for the better, and wanted to record that.

10 comments:

Brooke said...

We had a similar experience, with us feeling like it was "our decision." I feel a lot of peace, too. I love this little family of mine.

Erin_C said...

I've been thinking a lot about this since having the twins. I've always thought three would be good, but after having two at once, I feel like I'm not ready to be done. Its almost like Heavenly Father meant for us to have 4, so he sent 2 at once :) But we are in a place that we want a big big space until the "last one" as I already call number 4. The kid who will prevent me from becoming an empty nester too fast. What a blessing to get a peaceful feeling about your decision. That is hard when you get that "its your decision" answer, but nice to know the Lord trusts you. You have such a beautiful family!

.caroline armelle. said...

I have gone through the exact thing. I am feeling really good about three right now! I feel lime with three I can handle it. Four! I think it would sent me right over the edge! But, I'm perfectly content with three!

Traci said...

Rachel, we feel the exact same way. We have always wanted 3 kids and, while I sometimes have this vision of four in my head, realistically (and especially for our future) I only want three. Three seems like the perfect number for me. Of course we're waiting until after this one is born before making our final decision but we're 99% positive that Heavenly Father is happy with the family we're raising.

Kelsey said...

Good for you! Macey was just asking me how many more babies I want, she thinks we should have 5 kids. I told her I didn't think I could handle that, but she promised to help and reminded me what a good big sister she is. :)

Madi said...

I LOVE that you posted this! Making a decision like that is difficult! Having a peaceful happy feeling is amazing. Enjoy it, along with your beautiful babies :)

Celeste said...

Dude. We share a brain on this subject. And I was so sick of thinking about it. But lately it feels really good. I've relaxed and enjoyed. I'd much rather raise two amazing kids to the best of my ability than just barely eek out not killing the whole lot of us, which knowing myself, would be a possibility with too many more.

Megan Marie said...

so very glad for you.

Sarah said...

Why do you live so far away???

Rachelle said...

oh all of us have had these thoughts!! i've never been one to think i had to have a million because that is what heavenly father expected of me.

kelly and i watied 5 years before we had kids! 5 years! that's rare for us people. :)

i'll see how 3 goes before i make any major decisions. i feel sad thinking i'd be done having babies. i honestly love my kids young and at home.

but i agree. its between you and your husband. only you can make those choices. :)