Tuesday, May 13, 2008

mixed emotions.

today was my last day breast feeding. (sorry if this blog is too much info for you...dont read it) I know it is the best for my baby by FAR and I am kinda a all natural kinda girl...organic...do whats most natural and what not...any who.... Breastfeeding was taking its toll on my body, as in I would drink about 10 nalgenes full of water a day (thats 10 liters), eat at least 2 salads full of leafy greens, stayed away from carbs and sugar and still would have the effects that you get when you dont get enough water, or fiber. yeah, if you catch my drift...lots of pain. So today on my morning walk I was praying and just doing a lot of thinking, breastfeeding may be best for Lily but I also need to be taking care of me too. Do whats best for me, which I found to be really hard to convince myself that its ok to do.Today has been really hard for me, I really enjoyed breastfeeding, the bond with Lily, her falling asleep so easily and stuff. She on the other hand is totally fine, takes the bottle totally fine, falls asleep great, Im the only one having problems. I didnt think it would effect me like it has. I am trying to be positive though, we are now more portable! No more sneaking off to feed her when in public, no more scheduling everything to the minute, or only leaving her for 2 hours at a time, and Chad can share feeding duty!...it will take some getting used to.


Jeremy Saunders said...

Hi Rachel,
Your dad sent me your blog site when you had Lily, he was so proud, I think he sent everyone on his email list your site. I took a peak because I like your dad, having run the Ragnar with him, and Jen was my mia maid forever and Scottie and Aaron are friends. However, I felt kind of like I was stalking you since we barely know each other. I have to admit, I keep going back to your site because I totally love your blog, it's one of the best out there. I can tell why everyone likes you, you are a fun easygoing person and it shows through your postings. I just have to comment today to admit that, hee hee, and to share my sympathy with you about having to stop breastfeeding. I too had to stop with Aaron, my second, it was emotional, and hard, and I did feel guilty, but hang in there! They turn out fine and are totally resilient, and you are not a bad mom! Take care of yourself now,so you can have more of them, you are such a good one! Look on the bright side, you won't be deformed like me (think Eezma from Emporer's New Groove).
Mimi Saunders

Brianne said...

That's rough. Just try to remember that you gave Lily the best possible start and that it will be better for her that you are a healthy mommy. I still miss the closeness and my baby is 16 months old and I stopped when she turned 1. Best of luck with this transition time.

April said...

I know how you feel. I quit breastfeeding Evan at 6 months and thought I was the worst mother in the world. You may have loved breastfeeding, but I hated it, and am NOT looking forward to it again. You ARE a wonderful mommy and now you can have a little more "me time"
I read Mimi's comment and laughed when she said she looks like Eezma! Please, she is the most in shape gorgeous woman with the best body ever. Every woman is jaealous of her, plus she could go running and not even have to put a bra!!

Carly said...

Hey Rachel- You go girl! Way to listen to your instincts!! You will be the best mom when you take care of yourself, too.
I am like you-- I felt SO strongly about breastfeeding and quitting was a big emotional roller coaster for several weeks-- but in the end we knew it was the right thing.

I do have to make sure you know that quitting cold turkey is really the worst thing you could do. I did it and wow- it was such a mistake but Stella refused the breast so I had no choice really. If you want you can email me and I'll give you some links and more info on it, but it can be bad emotionally for the baby and for you. Not only that but super-painful!!

Hope everything is going ok!

Unknown said...

Ok, so I know you really don't know me, but like I said before, I know your in-laws. Sorry, of blog stalking you. Anyways, I stopped brestfeeding my two oldest, cold turkey. I understand what you're friend is saying, but there really is nothing wrong with just stopping. My kids are totally fine emotionally. And when I stopped, they didn't "hate" me or resent me. They just wanted to snuggle more, that's all. I dried up with both my kids at 9 and 7 months. I'm hoping I don't dry up this time, but we'll see. When I stopped with Zoe, my husband, Steve, stayed home that day and feed Zo her bottle. So she would know that she didn't need my breast to eat anymore. It worked. The next day, I could feed her her bottle and she didn't want my breast anymore. And again, she was totally fine. Both of my kids are the sweetest, loving kids ever. And Zoe just loves to love and give love. So, stopping cold turkey won't turn you baby girl into a monster, or hate you or whatever. Do what's best for you and don't feel bad. You're taking care of yourself. And if you're not able to take care of Lily, then you need to think of yourself. And that's totally fine. I wish you luck in this! I know how bad it hurts (emotionally and physically).