On Saturday, I left the girls for a couple hours with Chad and I went to Target.
To buy a swim suit.
Actually I went there planning on getting this suit to be exact.
Well, I seemed to be in denial or something that after gestating, birthing, and nursing two babies...this suit, well, it really did not look like this picture.
Swim suit shopping is brutally honest. Just you, the mirror, horrible lighting, and pieces of stretchy material that you plan on wearing in public.
I looked in the mirror and of course, was critical of everything.
Stretch marks, not-so-toned arms, thick thighs, I really could go on. And on.
The more critical I got, the more sad and frustrated I got.
Me and my mind would frantically start setting more fitness goals, about running twice a day instead of once, eliminating sweets, cutting calories to a minimum and a bunch of other silly things that I'm sure other women think in similar situations.
But what kind of life is that? What kind of life is it to obsess over appearance? Frankly, not the kind of life I ever want to live. I mean, obviously I want health and to be fit, but not center my life on a image of perfection.
I started to think why my body looks like it does: I created life, twice. (and I may make cookies once a week)
Because of my stretch marks, and very un-perkyness, Lily and Eden are here. The world is such a better place with them. (my stretch marks make the world a better place?)
I started thinking of all the amazing things my body does:
I see the people I love. I hear my two year old speak. I smell my sweet baby Eden. I feel my husband's warm hugs. I taste food, glorious, glorious, food! Not to mention I can bear children, and be their life source (of milk), I can run, jump, swim, play, think, read, love, laugh, and really live.
So I left Target with a different suit, came home held my kids, nursed my baby, kissed my husband, made a delish dinner and was proud that my body and I could do all that.
8 comments:
oh how I HATE swimsuit shopping! I tend to be in deinal too, but swimsuits leave little room for denial. I end up going through the same things you do, and coming to the same conclusions. Which are great conclusions, and totally right!
I just wish I didn't have to remind myself of that so often!
Okay, that above comment was from me, not Aron. Google accounts play tricks on us sometimes...
thanks for that. that is definitely what i needed to hear. except that i didn't make life yet. i just help tyler live his. lol oh dear. haha
do they really have that cute suit? I never see any cute suits at target. go to layers.com, they have really cute modest swimsuits.
and yes, our stretch marks and "eesma boobs" (from emperor's new groove) are our war wounds in the battle for good!
mimi
Hey, such cute posts. Don't worry about the swimsuit thing, we change as years go by and you still have time to fit into it as the kids start to get older and into school and stuff. You look hot anyway! :) Just wanted to tell you I tried your cinnamon roll recipe. Sooo good! You might also try using it as a pizza dough, I made a double batch tonight so I used half for the rolls and half for a pizza, homemade sauce and some mozzarella. Super tasty!
Love this post! So true!
So I may have made cookies TWICE this week. Those choc-choc cherry ones were the most AMAZING COOKIE EVER! I was in heaven and I figured if you loved them that I would love them so when stocking up on the supplies I got enough to make more than one batch. I am so glad I did!
Swimsuit shopping is THE. WORST. But I really enjoyed the perspective you took from this trip and I think it is something that I need to keep more in my mind! Thanks for being so honest! It's nice to know other people feel the same things that I feel.
When I start thinking like that, I think about who I want to be like. I think of the older ladies at church who are so loving and kind and compassionate. I think to myself, "is this thing that i don't like about myself keeping me from become what i want to be?" In the case of stretch-marks, the answer is always no. And if the answer is yes (for example, I'm not too crazy about the mega-temper I've had lately) then it is ALWAY something within my power to change.
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