The past couple weeks has been hard for me.
"I think I am depressed" I said to Chad a few days ago.
I was feeling so tired, so overwhelmed and behind on basically every aspect of my life. My house is not in order after moving, my body is still verrrrry postpartum, I have been sucking at reading my scriptures, I am not taking "me" time ever, I haven't been doing "mommy school" with Eden lately and and that really really makes me feel like crappy mom, haven't been eating as good as I'd like to, really this list could just keep spiraling.
I think why this was all so hard was I just didn't know where to start. Like when you walk into a messy room to clean up and you need to just start, but you don't know where? Thats just how I felt, I was that messy room. I didn't know where to start, and I was just exhausted and just couldn't do it.
So after putting the girls down for the night,
I told Chad all about what I was feeling like. I knew if I started reading my scriptures, and running in the morning, and meal planning, and a chore chart, and scheduled "me" time then I would start feeling better. But this all sounded SO overwhelming that I just started crying.
And this is why Chad is my best friend. He didn't jump in and try to fix everything. We just talked. We talked about how I am often way too hard on myself. We talked about how Christ's atonement is for repenting of sins, yes, and to heal broken hearts, yes, but it is also to help us through tough things. We talked about how I can hand my worries over to the Lord. How sometimes we just can not do our best all the time, sometimes just the bare minimum, and thats ok. The lord makes up the difference. We then talked about organizing my priorities, figured about a better calendar/list system for me (I am EXTREMELY visual) and we picked different nights of the week to plan meals, go over the budget, lesson plans for mommy school, stuff like that.
Yesterday I had a long list of things to do, but it was a sunny beautiful day. I skipped my list and we met Chad for a picnic. It was perfect. We haven't figured it all out, it's Wednesday, and I've only gone running once, but I know I am getting better. We're working on it, cleaning the messy room has been started and its I feel so much better.