In early August I had a miscarriage. (blogged about it, remember?)
I still get emotional thinking about it somedays.
I still feel a sting when one of my good friends walks in the door with a beautiful round belly, due the same day (I was).
I dont plan on ever "getting over it". That baby, that hope of a new life will always be a part of me, so the loss of that hope will always feel sad.
It's funny how loss can just hit you out of no where, I still am like this with my mom who died when I was 11. A month or so ago we went on a big group date and my girl friends and I listed off our mutual friends that were pregnant, when Chad and I got in the car I just sobbed. I was supposed to be one of those friends on that list!
I keep having the same thought lately. We as expecting parents are sort of trained to "not tell ANYONE we're expecting incase we miscarry."
I mean really, that's awful.
Why do we feel we need to carry that loss alone? What is so awful about people, friends, and family there to cry with you, hold your hand, tell you that yes this does suck but that they're there with you? I understand some people prefer to be more private, but most moms (and dads!) who miscarry that I know, feel so lonely in the pain, and appreciate some compassion from those in their life.
I did the same. We found out we were pregnant and said nothing. Then when the miscarriage happened. I called family to let them know I had been pregnant, and then miscarried. About three people in the same state as me knew, they happened to be friends that had miscarried in the past.
I guess what I am saying is, miscarriage is painful. It is a real loss that for some reason we decided to make private and at least for me, that made it lonely. I really feel there are so many amazing, loving people out there, who want to buoy us up when we are sinking. There are so many loving hands that want to serve, even if thats "I'm so sorry"+ a hug.
I dont know how to end this post with "flow" but know that like all trials though, the miscarriage journey continues to strengthen me, and bring me closer to Christ. It is a "refiner" on my life timeline. And I want to be the person that people can call for help, or just a hug and someone to cry with .