Eden. The past long while, she has consumed my thoughts.
She is very intelligent, very sensitive, very stubborn.
I felt like I was falling behind with her. I don't really know how else to put it, really.
I felt so inadequate to be her mom. Like, she needed someone more than me.
One evening, after we put the girls down, I just cried. I cried because I didn't know where to start with her. I felt bad for Chad, all he could do was just rub my back and try and reassure me she wasn't sent to us on accident and that I haven't messed her up. (Poor, sweet, husbands around the world that have to deal with tired, drained, pregnant wives.)
Her main issue is communication, she is completely at the normal level of speech for her age, but I know it is so frustrating for her. It's not enough. She has a lot of emotion, a lot of things she wants to convey to us but just can not get across and it gets her so frustrated, then when we don't understand, you can see it in her face, she is personally hurt, like we are ignoring her on purpose. It was breaking my heart, honestly.
Finally after some more tears and prayers I decided to rededicate myself to my scripture study. Daily. 30 minutes. With my journal open and a pen in hand. I start each day with a prayer for guidence with specific issues with my girls. Then I read, sometimes I write a lot of ideas down sometimes, it's just the date. But I make myself available for answers.
It is amazing how quickly I got answers. Little simple whispers from above would come to me at the park, or while crossing the street, or discussing ideas with Chad. Then on Wednesday, I was watching our girls color together and I was quizzing Lily on letters and their sounds, and Eden with her colors, when a thought just danced across my mind: Mommy School.
That is it. That is exactly what Eden and I need, mommy school.
So now, while Lily goes off to preschool MWF, Eden and I have our own "school".
I focus on specific things each day. Today our schedule was: go for our walk-read books-library-puzzles-choo choo tracks-lunch-nap. May now sound like school, but it is focused. I focus really hard on her repeating what I say, I explain everything to her, ie: how I am making her oat meal, how turtles have hard shells, how birds eat worms, just anything I see, I talk about.
Today I noticed she really enjoyed flowers, outside, in our books, the ones we colored, so on monday we are going to the local nursery to talk about flowers and practice saying our colors.
Parenthood is hard, and I often sit back and think: I am still a kid, how do I have kids?!
But I know we can make it all work when we make ourselves available to divine help: Prayer, scripture study.