Magnolia June's birth story

At 38 weeks pregnant, we made the decision to switch from my OB to a midwife, and to have a home birth. I had been planning on going natural with this labor. And knew that if I were to go natural at my hospital with the OB I had, I would have to be on the offense the whole time: declining drugs, IV's, extra monitoring, and just not having the positive birth experience that I wanted. Labor with Lily...well it was awful and I like to not really remember it, but with Eden everything went smooth, my epidural actually worked, but I felt a strong disconnection with the whole experience. I wanted something different this time.

So two weeks before my due date, we talked to our wonderful doula, Wendy, and we were lucky enough to get the midwife that delivered her sweet babies, Lucy, who we love.

I will say this before I go into labor details: having Maggie at home was honestly, one of the best decisions I have ever made. I loved every single thing about it.  My awesome friend Joy came and took pictures of labor, these pictures are very personal to me (no, no privates are shown) but just a heads up, it's real, labor shots.

On Thursday the 17th, I woke up with relatively strong contractions, 5 minutes apart. "This is it!" I thought. One of our awesome friends came and picked up our girls and then it was just Chad and I at home. I had been texting my doula Wendy, and midwife Lucy periodically and they came over at different times to check me, (I was at a 5) to get a feel of how things were going.

Contractions slowed down, and weakened. So discouraging.

Chad and I bundled up and went for a walk in the cold sunny day that it was. We got some hot chocolate at my favorite coffee shop, then later that evening we walked and got take out (very spicy) Thai at my favorite thai place.

By 6 pm I was in tears. I was having contractions, they were irregular, I missed my girls and I was ten days over due. I told Chad I wanted to go get the girls and bring them home, I really did miss them. We called our friends, they refused, said to take the night and not to worry about them, we went over there an just visited, put the girls down and ate ice cream.

We went home, watched some modern family and were asleep by 9:30.

At 2:30 AM I was woken up by strong contractions. I laid there and yup, two minutes apart and they were long, very strong contractions. It really was go time, my thousand prayers I said that day had been answered, I woke up Chad and he started calling and getting things ready. In a matter of minutes Wendy, Lucy her apprentice Kim, and one of my best friends Joy (you know, the photographer) were here and it was really happening.

Chad, Wendy and I worked through each contraction. 

Wendy would rub my back, Chad would hold me, and help my focus.

I moved from my couch, the birthing ball, to standing, to leaning on Chad. 

In between contractions I was drinking a lot of water, eating fresh fruit and almonds.

We were talking and joking around between contractions, like being in labor was no big deal.

I loved the fact that I was in full on labor, but our home felt so normal. The girls toys were still on the couch, their sweet art work on the walls, we were listening Feist, Louie Armstrong, Etta James, Regina Spektor and more. There was just a  wonderful, calm, and exciting spirit in the house. I loved it.

Pretty soon the contractions were getting more and more powerful. Soon I couldn't stand while contracting. I was transitioning, but I was oblivious, I was too busy not thinking. 

Lucy said the birthing tub was ready for me, and it was perfecting timing. That water felt so good.

 From here on out, the contractions were so powerful. They took all of me. Lucy checked me, I was at an eight.

 I had Chad quietly encouraging me, and Wendy helping my breathing, and rubbing my back.

 In between contractions, I would just float, not think. I just was letting things happen. I had no concept of time, I have no idea how long I was in the pool, or anything. Funny how that is.

 Pretty soon Chad got in the tub, I wanted him closer to me.

I wasn't thinking about anything, I looked up and see Lucy start gathering things, "is this real? Is this baby really coming now?" I was thinking ...umm... duh Rachel. Yes, she is coming and coming soon.

 All a sudden the pain was empowering. I threw up a few times. I tried so hard to accept it, to not fight it. I trusted my body, I knew I was meant for this. 

 I was pushing, with out telling my body to do so. I could feel Maggie moving lower. We were working together. For a split second I thought about the things that could go wrong but immediately pushed those thoughts out. I felt very strongly from the begging that my thoughts could dictate outcomes, I then starting focusing on seeing my sweet baby.

 Lucy asked if I wanted to feel my baby's head, I said no, I was trying too hard to push.

 The pressure built and built. Then I felt her head come out, soon the shoulders. and she was out. The pain that consumed every fiber of me, was gone. I pushed for a total of two minutes.

 The music was still quietly playing, the house was still calm, people that I loved were all around and quietly congratulating me: "You did it!"

 Lucy brought our sweet girl out of the water, and I held her. We did it, we worked so hard to make this happen and she and I were finally together.

 Chad was so sweet and right there all along. "You did it hon, we have our little girl, you are amazing, she is here!"

 My sweet baby was born at 5:47 AM

 She was so perfect.

  

 It all felt rather surreal, I was never scared, I never thought I couldn't do it, I never wanted to go the hospital. 

Chad and I got out of the tub, showered and I got into my own bed. 

I nursed my sweet brand new baby, next to my husband and just laid there so happy.

Lucy and Kim were packing up their things, and Chad and I discussed names.

Magnolia June we decided. Maggie, she was a Maggie.

Lucy came in and did the new born exam, weighed her. She and Chad cracked up when they saw the scale: "ten pounds fifteen ounces!". 

Then Lucy did one last exam on me before she headed out, I didn't tare, she was nursing perfectly and I felt amazing. 

So peaceful, and empowered. 

And then everyone left, and it was just Chad, Maggie, and I. The sun had just risen and everything was  quiet. 

We all slept in our bed, I woke up a few hours later while they were still asleep, Maggie on my chest. I looked out my window and watched the wind blow the red leaves off the tree and the bright blue sky, and thanked God for being a woman. For my beautiful daughter, for my amazing body that worked so hard that early morning, and for my wonderful husband that I created this perfect baby with, and who was with me every single contraction encouraging me the whole way. The whole experience was amazing, and I will never be the same,

And that, is how Magnolia June Meynders came into the world.

next life goal

Random fact about me,

when I cry, my brown eyes turn green:

yesterday, my eyes were green most of the day.

For the past while, I have been struggling trying to figure out what I REALLY want. I have been %100  mom the past 5+ years and now that my kids are getting more and more independent I am trying to remember who I am , and what I want to do in my life.

I am a goal person. I need something to strive for, to work for. Even if its years in the future. In the past it has been to have a baby, and care for that baby and repeat three times. 

I am a person of little inhibition. I honestly believe I can do pretty much what ever I want to do. I just have to want it bad enough, and nothing can get in my way.

I am an idea person. I have a bout a million ideas constantly running around in my head. I have a lot of goals/ideas that sound great, but which one do I want?

Do I want another baby? Or is that just something familiar, that I know how to do (this is the longest I have gone with out being pregnant our whole marriage! Crazy!)

Do I really want to go to med school?

Do I really want to be a midwife?

Do I really want to get a masters degree?

Do I really want to stay in Arkansas?

Do I really want to go to nursing school?

Do I really want to go to PA school?

Do I really want to be a stay at home mom til my kids are out of the house?

Every single time I prayed about it, my answer was: "It's your choice."

Which kind of drove me crazy. And left me confused. I know how to be obedient, I dare say I am pretty good at it. If I feel prompted to act in a certain way, or do something, as in I feel that God is wanting me to do something, I have no problem acting. He says "jump", I say "how high?". 

But when it came to feeling alone in my choice, I broke down. I have never felt this way.

Yesterday was hard. 

I put the girls in the bath and laid down in my bed and just talked to God. Told him all that I am feeling. With teary (green!) eyes, and at the end just asked him, if He could just help in the right direction. I am not asking him to tell me exactly what to do, but I felt so lost. 

I got up.

Two minutes later, my sweet midwife that delivered Maggie texts me:

"I have been thinking about you sometimes. Are you still interested in possibly apprenticing at some point? Do you have any estimates on when you might be ready if you are interested? I really don't need an apprentice anytime soon, but would still love to talk with you about it:)"

I fell to my knees and sobbed in gratitude. Just like that. My answer came.

I meet with Lucy on monday to plan out my next life goal:

to be a midwife.

this week

Like I stated before, I don't plan on trying to catch up on two years away form blogging. SO much has happened. A lot to do with me actually? A little over two years ago I was on a slow, gradual, bumpy decline into severe depression. The decline was slow until all a sudden it wasn't and I wanted to end my life. I plan on sharing my journey back to health over time, in no particular order.

Today, I'll start with this week.

...Actually, I guess to start with this week, I need to do a quick update-- mid December we bought an 110 year old farm house in Centerton (right down the road from friends that are pretty much family). We are LITERALLY re-doing everything in and out of the house. Anyways the PLAN was to do all the demo and have it painted and somewhat pretty before we move in....Well we got a full price offer on our home we were currently living in in less than two weeks....so we had to move out, and in to the Old Girl (that's what we affectionately call the farmhouse) way sooner than planned. Read: Blessing/Curse. I found I actually LOVE doing demo, learning to be pretty confident with power tools and such. We were so freaking busy it was awesome and I was loving every minute.

|front of the Old Girl|

Then about a month ago Chad's parents (who were here helping) left and working on the house slowed, and the dust figuratively and literally settled. I felt myself slowly go from happy+energetic to slowly apathetic to slowly sad in the course of about a month.

|back of the Old Girl, the day we signed|

I was checking all my boxes off: not stretching myself thin with commitments, eating healthy, sleeping, spiritually feeding myself daily with actual studying the scriptures...yada yada yada. I went for a long walk and just talked to God. What else was I supposed to do? I don't want to live a life of apathy/sadness most of the time and sometimes happy. That's when I heard the little whisper to bring my blog back to life. To write and share the good and bad, and connect with people again (let alone document this whole remodel!). Writing, documenting my life has beautiful way of helping me really think my thoughts through, and also to naturally find the positive in situations.

So here we are!

Documenting and sharing also blesses me because I get to look back and read, and remember.

I read THIS post and boom. Another answer to my prayer. I started thinking about being a midwife and how it really checks so many of my boxes:  Health care professional, my own boss, serve, work with and empower women, spiritual, kinda hippy, the job is different every day....I mean my list goes on.

You know when something feels right you smile so much your face might break, your heart beats faster and everything is beautiful again? Well that happened. I heard another whisper: This is the right track.

So, I call my midwife and long story short I have an interview in a week about being an apprentice. Wish me luck!

side note- Today is my last day of my 20's! I've been looking forward to my 30's for a long time. I think its going to be MY decade.

Gluten and I.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while but kept forgetting/being lazy. 

Hopefully it can help someone out?

A few days after Maggie was born,  I started getting a rash all over my stomach. It was miserable, absolutely miserable. My midwife told me it was: P.U.P.P.S. a rare rash pregnant girls get from hormones being crazy, so I was extra odd getting it AFTER pregnancy, especially with my third baby. The only cure: time. My midwife recommended some herbal supplements to help cleanse. I took some and notices a slight improvement. 

I feel that if we are still, and open, our bodies can tell us what we need to do. I think women especially have an incredible gift to be able to listen to their bodies. So finally, I sat, tried to clear my mind, and just listen to what my body needed to do to find relief from this horrible rash. And a little whisper came: cut out gluten.

Um, that was a hard pill to swallow, gluten is seriously in every thing. Specifically in everything I love.

Well, I gave it a shot, cut it out and in a few days, the rash was gone. Then I had some pizza at a party, and it started coming back.  So then I knew what I needed to do. No more gluten. NOT EASY.

As time went on my rash was gone, as my hormones were getting more level, so I became more and more lax with my intake of gluten.  I was back to eating cereals, breads, pastas...you know things that you are told are good for your body.

Then, after a few weeks, my joints, specifically my knees, ankles and wrists would ache so bad I could not go exercise, they would throb, felt inflamed and swollen. My guts felt swollen,  tender to the touch, and I was definitely not regular any more. And I started getting an itchy rash, just like I had before but in odd places, like my wrists, (above picture) on my chest, my fingers and toes.

I was so confused, I thought I ate healthy, I was very hygienic, I loved exercise and all a sudden I felt like I was falling apart.

Right around this same time I re-connected with an old friend, Meagan, (remember her?). She would post things on her blog/facebook about the Paleo lifestyle, about being gluten free. I would skim them and think: "thats neat, glad she found something for her". One day after coming back home early from a run in tears because my knees hurt so bad and I was SO frustrated with my body. I felt a little whisper: talk to Meagan about Paleo.

I thought, "that's odd. But Ok."

Long story short, Chad and I decided to live Paleo for about a month, why not? Maybe it could help me? Well, you guessed it. It did help and then some. Rashes? GONE. I could go for a four mile run and not only no more wincing in pain but I felt great. My energy level and moods were better, and my gut health was for the first time in years,  was comfortable and normal, like I didnt need to take my supplements to help me any more.

I honestly was kinda shocked how basically any health issue I had going on, was helped if not eliminated by eating gluten free, no refined sugar, and more organic and natural.

And honestly, It's not that hard to eat gluten free when you have a plan,  we try to buy organic when we can, but lets me honest budget is real tight and there are NO natural food stores here. Just walmart and the little neighborhood grocery stores. Here's an example of what on our menu the next few days:

Today:

B: Bacon+eggs

S:carrot sticks+ homemade ranch 

 L: taco salad

D: roasted sweet potatoes, carrots, peppers and mushrooms with sausage. 

Tomorrow:

B:spinach fritata

S: apple+almond butter

L: (picnic!) boiled eggs, berries, carrot sticks, and sugar snap peas,

 D: shrimp-veggie stir fry+ rice.

Wednesday:

B:banana almond smoothie

S:rolled up deli meats +veggies

L:apple chicken sausage in a salad with avocado, apple slices, boiled eggs, dried cranberries + apple cider viegar and olive oil

D: pumpkin curry soup+spinach+rice+rotisserie chicken

The hard part is sticking to gluten free when you at friend's house, a party, out to dinner...I'm still working on this. If you have any pointers, let me know, I need them!

Well, there ya go, my long post about me and my relationship with gluten.

I hope I can help someone out there with this!

Read more about Paleo HERE.

We bought and have been re-reading THIS BOOK

ultimate to-do list

I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am, and the woman I want to be. 

Which then leads my mind to my "ultimate to-do list".

I am always adding and taking away from this list. 

Here are a few things I have been thinking about, and have slowly working on. 

Some things will take years to accomplish, others a lot less time.

1. Become a midwife. I think this will be my way of empowering women. I want practice for a while, and then go move to impoverished part of the world and deliver babies. And I want my husband, and daughters to come with me, depending on their age and experience this too.
2. Longboard again. I miss it.
3. Get good enough at guitar, and work on my vocals so I can belt out (a modified daughter version) of "simple man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd to my girls. Seriously, the lyrics are beautiful to me. Read HERE.
4. Finally become fluent in Spanish.
5. Get my mile time sub 7 min. I did it in high school, I want to do it again before I'm 30.
6. Build and live in a modern farm house, and be as self sustainable as possible. I'm talking: small orchard, huge garden, chickens, a cow. You know, rad stuff like that.
7. Serve missions for our CHURCH, with Chad when we get old (er).
8. Be able to surf, and enjoy doing so.
9. Backpack in New Zealand, with Chad.
10. Chop off all my hair and donate it. And then possibly dye it pink.
11. Pick up my girls from school acting like we are going to the dentist but then actually go to the airport and go to Hawaii.

What about you?

 Do you have a life list too? Share.

skinny jeans

My midwife gave me to the "OK" to slowly get back into a normal lifestyle yesterday.

Meaning, I can do more than just lay down and watch Chad to EVERYTHING (really, its hard to just watch your husband do it all, not fun).

So I helped start laundry, pick up a bit, and now I'm just chilling with my chunkster baby in her skinny jeans. WHICH by the way are size 3-6 month...and she wears size 2 diapers...and shes only 8 days old.

Things are all good in our hood.

"clarity"

If this week had a theme, it would be: CLARITY. 

(warning: very long post)

I already told you about my journey this past month to figure out what I really want my next goal to be: to be a midwife.

Another huge thing going on is my health. I have been feeling "off" for....well basically a long time, since before I got pregnant with Maggie? She's almost 18 months now, so for a long time.

I attributed it first to pregnancy, then nursing, then gluten. All of which were partially true. But not the WHOLE truth. I still was left feeling crummy. Joint pain, thin flaky nails, anxiety/depression, "fuzzy" head-not being able to focus well, occasional rash, constant subtle head aches...the list really is a mile long.  A mile long list of subtle, annoying symptoms. My body has been basically screaming at me that something is "off" but I didn't understand it's communication. I have gotten so frustrated, and to the point of: "well this is my new "normal"." mind set.

About three weeks ago I started a sugar cleanse, if you follow me on instagram then you have seen some of the stuff I have been making (pretty yummy!) It was hard the first few days, and then I felt great!....and then not so great. Like, the headaches were back...and just nausea. and other stuff that I first thought was my addiciton to sugar wearing off. But I felt in my heart that it was more.

I was up at 4 AM yesterday with Maggie I thought: I need to learn more about candida.

I read for a couple hours and wow, I was preeeetty I had figured out, that was my problem!

A thought popped into my head: "Talk to Aimee about candida."

I called up Aimee, (shes one of my sweet friends that is way into essential oils and natural health stuff...) She told me that she was teaching a class on it that night! (last night!) So I went. HOLY CRAP I am poster child for candida. Did you know candida can cause gluten allergies??? If you don't know what candida is it is the yeast that naturally lives in our guts, but can over grow when fed too much sugar (= grains, fruit, dairy, vinegars...) I had so many symptoms! I highly recommend looking it up, its baffleing what it causes. I left the meeting kind of disgusted, but also full of hope! I had figured it out!

I went home, talked to chad about it, showed him all my notes about candida, and then I asked for a priesthood blessing.  In the blessing, I was told that I had done a good job at researching about answers for my health, but that there was more. I needed to use my knowledge from my education (I have my BS in health science, associates in paramedicine) and dig deeper. After the blessing I was so confused, what else could it be?! I blatantly have excess candida in my body. But the Lord wanted me to research more.

This morning, I put Maggie down for a nap and immediately knelt down and prayed, for a sharp mind and open heart. That I would remember things I learned years ago, and be lead in the right direction. 

I opened up my lap top and started reading, and reading and reading.  Something that I do know is zinc is very important for nail health...and my nails are crap now, pretty worthless thin, I started there. I searched that, what causes zinc deficiencies...in some cases, excess copper does. LIGHT BULB. I currently have a copper IUD in (tmi? sorry folks). I then researched copper toxicity and the correlation with candida. THEY GO HAND IN HAND. As I read more about copper toxicity, the more and more it made sense. There can be strange side effects from copper toxicity, like violent thoughts?? Well, the past year I feel like I have to be on my guard all the time because bad scenes from a movie will pop into my head or other bad thoughts will with no reason, mind you, I have not a violent bone in my body. And this was very disturbing to me. There is a mirad more of symptoms that go with copper toxicity, some of them are very similar to candida. 

HOLY CRAP I CAN'T TYPE FAST ENOUGH.

AND THIS IS GETTING REALLY LONG.

Bottom line, the more and more I read the more and more it made sense. 

I started thinking of my family's medical history.

I strongly believe I genetically more prone all of this stuff. At times like these I really with my mom was alive so I could talk to her more about it. The sad thing is, she had multiple of symptoms gluten issues, of excess candida, and possibly copper too, which all of those things definitely have strong correlations to cancer.

I really feel like I am being lead by Heavenly Father, I know He wants me to be as healthy as possible and is guiding me to answers. 

Just the idea of hope, that I will feel "whole" again, brings tears to my eyes. 

God is so good.
I have been given "clarity".

If you read the whole thing, gold star!